This is how i'm feeling...

Millstone  
by Brand New

I used to be such a burning example
I used to be so original
I used to care I was being cared for
And made sure I showed it to those that I love
I used to sleep without a single stir
Cause I was about my father's work

Take me out tonight
This ship of fools I’m on will sink
I’m my own stone around my neck
If you’d be my breathe
There is nothing I wouldn't give

I used to pray like God was listening
I used to make my parents proud
I was the glue that kept my friends together
Now they don't talk and we don't go out
I used to know the name of every person I’d kissed
Now I’ve made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it

Take me out tonight
This ship of fools I’m on will sink
I'm my own stone around my neck
If you’d be my breathe
There is nothing I wouldn't give

Things that were heard at the scene of the accident:
"They never hit their brakes..."
"There was no time to see..."
"He just ran out in the street..."
"Does anybody know his name?"
"I think I recognize him..."
"He sure as hell paid for that mistake..."

It's been a bad week, and i don't see things getting better any time soon...
I'm not happy at the moment.
I'm confused; I think i'm even depressed... which i'm sure wouldn't be a first...
I've thought about going to see a therapist but i'm not sure that will help... after all, i'm not even honest with myself so how can i be honest to someone i don't even know. I don't think it's possible right now.

My hear is bleeding, my head is spinning, and my body is shaking - but it's all covered by this skin.
This skin in what hides ME from the world.

I keep thinking about a poem i wrote in high school... and how and why my teacher never said anything to me about it other than "Great...here's a A"  It was a cry for help... I think i still have it somewhere, i wrote the original draft in a sketch book, with a picture of a guy/me curled up in the corner of a room.... That's what i feel like now.

I'm exhausted... physically and lately emotionally.  People keep telling me i look tired. I am! 

Things arent so good here at the house right now... We're fighting. It's akward. Doesn't feel good... not going well this week.  What to do? 
How can you tell someone you love them and the next minute say that you don't know them...

Is this the end?

Currently Listening The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me By Brand New see related

SWITZERLAND

Working on getting some pics up from the Switzerland trip.

There are a bunch up on Myspace if you want to see them.

SWITZERLAND

Fourty Nine Plus One

1. What Made You Smile today?
Knowing that i don't have to work today... or for the next 2 weeks!

2. What were you doing at 8 this morning?
Takin a shower

3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Getting home from running some errands

4. What is something that happened to you in 1995?
Hmm, i was a freshman in high school, i played varsity soccer as a freshman, guess that was fun.

5. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"Fuckin drive!" - Yelling at the standard foreign drivers in Chicago... of course no one heard me... at least i think no one heard me.

6. How many different things did you drink today?
Grande non-fat sugar-free cinnamon dolce latte

7.What color is your toothbrush?
Green

8. What was the last thing you bought?
Other than starbucks?

9. What was the last gift you received for your birthday?
Hmmm, a trip to St. Thomas! That was fun!

10. What color is your front door?
Green

11. Are your fingernails painted?
no

12. What did you do last night?
After work, watched Top Chef, at dinner, went to bed.

13. What are you doing tonight?
Packing my suitcase, and shopping, most likely.

14. What is something you are excited about?
I'M LEAVING FOR SWITZERLAND TOMORROW!!!

15. What was the last picture you took?
New Year's Eve party pics.

16. What is on your mind right now?
I wish stores opened earlier, got up too early, now i'm sitting at home waiting for them to open.

17. Do you have a sister?
Have, no... I had one, kinda... she died before i was born. I'm the replacement child.

19. Do you want to cut your hair?
Yes and no. I'm growing it out again. I just got it trimmed, but since we'll be stopping in Milan, i'm plannig on getting one there!
Who wouldn't want to get a haircut in the fashion capital of the world? Wow.. that sounds really gay...

20. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Yes

21. Do you talk alot?
Nope

22. Where were you 12 hours ago?
Just finishing up watching Top Chef

23. Does your screen name have an 'x' in it?
no

24. Do you know anyone called Ed?
Nope

25. Do you make up your own words?
yes, i say any ways instead of any way, and it drives Joey crazy.

26. Are you ticklish?
yes

27. Are you a jealous person?
I can be

28. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'A':
Amanda

29. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'J'.
Joey

30. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list?
List is empty

31. What did the last text message you recieved say?
"Dinner on Sunday? We can discuss our Will and Grace situation."

32. Do you chew on your straws?
no, i don't like straws

33. Do you have curly hair?
no

34. What do you hear?
the restaurant next door

35. Who is the coolest person in your life?
cool... i don't know any cool people...

38. Have you seen the movie 'Don Juan DeMarco'?
No

39. Do you have work tomorrow?
No

40. Is marriage in your future?
I hope so, when it's legal.

41. When was the last time you said 'I love you' and meant it?
This morning.

42. What should you be doing right now?
Shopping for my skiing gear.

43. Do you have a nickname?
Not really.

44. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No

45. What's the last thing you laughed at?
YouTube funny videos

47. How are you feeling?
Anxious

48. How is your sex life?
Great

49. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing, sometimes silence in better

50. Are you currently depressed?
How can i be depressed? I'm leaving for Switzerland in 24 hours!